Sedari kecil aku terbiasa dikenal guru karena aku pintar *bukansombong hehehe.. tapi kemudian aku tidak seperti itu lagi. Aku ada diposisi yang membuatku berfikir, “oh beginikah rasanya bodoh? Tidak dipedulikan orang lain? Tidak dikenali? Dianggap tidak penting?” aku selalu berusaha menikmati duniaku sendiri setelah itu. Walaupun kehadiranmu sungguh memberikan warna lain di hidupku, tapi aku hanya berharap aku tidak lagi diremehkan orang lain. Aku sudah berusaha ikut organisasi yang menurutku bakal membuatku kece dan dikenal :/ tapi hasilnya nol, mereka menolakku. Aku individual, hanya pintar ngomong kata mereka. Entahlah, aku juga bingung dengan diriku sendiri.. aku bahkan bingung apa sebenarnya yang hendak kutulis disini. Hidupku datar. Masa SMA yang sudah kulewati membuatku berfikir, apakah aku akan tetap berdiam diri menjalani hidupku yang datar dan menyesal di kemudian hari atau haruskah aku membuat tantangan? Dan aku berpihak pada pilihan kedua. Aku ingin tantangan.
It's always been hard for me to let anyone in. But I let him in slowly. I'm still not sure if this is the right thing to do though. But I trust him. He's an introvert, just like me. Tonight was the second time he's asking for some "me time", so I let him go.. But every time he does that, it triggers my pathetic-insecure self. I feel like I want to build my guard up again. I know, he was just gone for a few moments, not forever. But my mind was going wild, pushing me to protect my self by pulling me inside my shell. I wont say I will ever stop him doing that, since I know he need it. Like I do, sometimes. But I just can't help it. The more he left, the higher I build my guard up around myself. I'm afraid someday I can't let him in anymore. I guess I need to work on my insecurities. It's toxic and I need to stop before I ruin every good thing in my life. - Hanin
I don't think I've fallen that deep. but when I feel so hurt seeing his old snapgrams with her, I know I do. I've fallen in love, so helplessly. and it really hurts to see him with someone else. how they used to be happy together, and how close she is to him right now compared to me. this distance sucks. somebody play "jealous by labrinth" song please, lemme cry myself to sleep.
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